i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
