Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
