I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
