so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
