I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
