broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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