I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
