I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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