Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I party with great urgency now.
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