Kiss
Puke
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
