Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize