Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
