Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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