She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
