By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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