1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
