I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
