I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
