I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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