All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
there's paper in my vomit.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
