I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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