yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
