What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize