My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
