Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
