I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
