I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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