I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
