3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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