Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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