You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
