dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
