I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
