I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
These tits shall not be calmed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
