I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The uberlube is also flammable
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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