He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
