Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
