We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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