i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
