Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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