I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
