Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
