About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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