he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
