I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
