I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
