It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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