imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
