Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
