i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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