dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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