I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Randomize
