His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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