You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
