i think my mom watched the whole time
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
40s are totally the cure
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
