Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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