It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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