I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
