Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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