i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize