apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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