i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
