She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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