ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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