just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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