Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
