Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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