if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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