she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
