Don't you send me to vm
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
