i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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