I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
